Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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