I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize