Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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