i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
