I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
