Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
