Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
