and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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