Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
