His pubic hair was longer than his dick
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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