I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
