Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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