i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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