I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
