ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
