every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
