I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
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Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
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You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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