dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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