I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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