I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
