there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
