White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
