Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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