whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
