dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
