There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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