i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
