Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
