Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
