Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
