They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
