I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
