So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
