apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
