I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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