One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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