The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
