just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
