I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
