I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
