Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
