yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
