There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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