Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want to stick my p in your. b.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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