Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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