Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
