cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
