Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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