well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
