let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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