Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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