I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
