his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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