You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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