it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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