i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
