she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
