just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
