I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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