i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
