I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
