He is an equal opportunity slut.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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