Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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