He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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