TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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