tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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