I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
