I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
