just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
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He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT