i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
