Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...