I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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