well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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