seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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