I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.