I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
