you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.