Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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