Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
