It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize