I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?