It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment