After last night, I could never be a politician.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
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I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia