Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
