Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He better not be in your backpack
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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